Single Line Funny Sayings

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff I think they picked me for my motivational skills. If a stranger offers you a piece of candy I can totally keep secrets. If I promise to miss you, will you go away? If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

I work hard, and I love my kids. This should scare you. It takes patience to listen.. It takes two to lie One to lie and one to listen Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. My IQ came back negative: P Never tell your problems to anyone Then It must be none of your business Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

People say that laughter is the best medicine I have a wife and kids Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them Shut up, will you? Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. No, wait, yes there is! Watch Me Pretend To Care! Uh, no, you got the wrong number. Then things get worse. WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

If you are here - who is running hell? If nothing was learned, nothing was taught. Now beam down my clothes The dogs bark but the caravan moves on. Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? Absolute power is pretty neat, though. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Everybody repeat after me: A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!! A day for firm decisions! Well, yes and no. Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! How many of you believe in telekinesis?

A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff. Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting. Inspirational One Liners Welcome to Utah: Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior. Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an a A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.

80 Funny Quotes – One Liners with Images